Well, my second pregnancy is well underway. I’m 24 weeks pregnant and there ain’t no denying it anymore. The other day a co-worker said, “Wow, that dress makes your stomach look huge!” and I had to correct her…”No, my stomach IS huge. There’s no ‘lookin’ huge’ about it!”
My nights are filled with trips to the bathroom, crampy calves and weird dreams. My days are filled with trips to the bathroom, pickles and mood swings. Some of my maternity shirts have already been put away because my belly is growing so quickly they no longer serve their purpose (which is to cover not only my belly but ALSO the sexy panel on my maternity pants).
But probably the biggest shock of all came when I logged in to one of my iPhone’s pregnancy apps (yep, they actually do have an app for that) and it said, “You are 6 months pregnant.”
WHA-AT?!?! How the heck did *that* happen (not the pregnant part – I know how that happened – but the actual SIX MONTHS PREGNANT part).
It’s official – I can no longer hide it, I can no longer ignore it, I can no longer kid myself that I have plenty of time to prepare and get things done before the baby comes. This baby is going to be here in, like, three months!! And then I will have TWO kids. A toddler and a baby. Oh my.
So of course this really set the wheels in motion. As in, the wheels of panic, anxiety, worry and stress. Because all of a sudden I started to realize things, important things, that have not happened yet, that need to happen, that are going to happen…you get the idea.
For one thing, the house has not sold yet. This puts a damper in my pre-conceived images of life after baby. We are all supposed to be moved into some cozy little house in a nice town with a Target and a Kohl’s and a Chick-fil-A. Jack will have his own room, right next to our room, where I don’t need to worry about him getting stolen or trapped in a fire (yes, those are legitimate concerns I have and one of the reasons I don’t want to even think about transitioning him to “his” room – which is all the way across the house). We will have our nice King size bed back together again, as in actually lifted off the ground and with a headboard, and Baby Girl will sleep peacefully in her Arms Reach co-sleeper next to our bed. We will have a teeny little yard that Jack can play in and a bathtub that doesn’t rival a jacuzzi or a shower in a cruise ship (we currently have both). I will put Jack in the stroller and the baby in the Ergo and walk to the park in the mornings. It will be perfect!
That was my happy thought. Here is my anxious/panicky thought: We’ll still be here, trying to sell our house with a newborn (as if it isn’t hard enough keeping clean as it is). Someone will buy it when the baby is two weeks old and we’ll have to move (pack! move! unpack!) with a toddler and an infant. We will be desperate to find a place to live because we won’t have the luxury of taking our time and looking at houses (think about how much fun house hunting would be with said toddler and infant…) and we will settle for some dumpy rental house with bad neighbors and toilets that never work.
Then I tell myself that my panic is completely justified because of course, how can it work out any other way??
I mentioned something along these lines to my mom and she said “Don’t worry, it will all work out and you’ll have lots of help whatever you guys end up doing.” OK, Logic. She might have a point. My mother-in-law is retired. My mom is a school teacher and will be off during the summer. Charles has a flexible schedule. I won’t, by any means, have to go it alone…but man, I wanted it to work out the way I had first envisioned it.
When I stop and think about it, I did have similar pregnancy-induced bouts of anxiety when I was pregnant with Jack. And when I really think about it, they were all over very silly things (nursery furniture comes to mind…seriously…and the kid never even slept in his nursery). So that, and logical comments from my mom and Charles (who has reminded me there is actually nothing we can do about this situation until the house sells and we can’t make someone buy it from us, so no point in worrying about it for now) helps tame the beast. But the whole “You are 6 months pregnant” thing is still freaking me out!!
I don’t know what the deal is…I have talked about this with other moms of two-or-more, and they say the first pregnancy seems to last forever and the subsequent pregnancies seems shorter and shorter. This is exactly what I am experiencing. I don’t know if it’s just that I’ve been pregnant before so I know what to expect and am not constantly consumed by it (was that a kick? is this normal? etc.), or if it’s that I don’t have as much time to sit around and read my Babycenter Bulletins each week (also have an app for that), or if having another kid just keeps me busier during the day, or what…but this pregnancy is flying by, I tell you. In fact, I saw a picture the other day of Charles and Jack with my brother and his family at the Dallas Arboretum and I thought “where the heck was I??” After thinking back to December and trying to figure this out, I finally remembered that I stayed home that day because I was about six weeks pregnant and was feeling awful that day – and then I remembered that I was actually pregnant in November, and I just cannot even believe I have been pregnant for this long.
In many ways this pregnancy flying by is a good thing, but there is also a downside to it. I realized the other day that I have not done any real research or looked for any classes to assist me with the upcoming birth (this time, I’m planning on delivering at a Birthing Center instead of a hospital…that means NO EPIDURAL…). I should probably try to read up on the whole natural birthing thing…right? I should probably pull out the Arms Reach co-sleeper and make sure it doesn’t have cat pee on it, wash the car seat, get the carpets cleaned, start transitioning Jack into a different sleeping arrangement…that sort of thing.
But I still have three months to go. Plenty of time, right?