I was browsing NickMom the other night (if you haven’t checked it out, go now – I’ll wait – I’m pretty sure you’ll find some #MotherFunny stuff you can relate to) and I saw a clever little infograph about wine.
Ummm…seriously, you guys. How does NickMom know me so well? Am I that much of a stereotype? REALLY?!
It’s #MotherFunny (and I’m one funny motha’…or at least, *I* think I’m funny).
I started my “wine” drinking back when I was much younger with a bottle of Boone’s Farm (Strawberry Hill, HOLLA!), but that doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate a nice glass of wine these days. Truth be told, if I had known about “real” wine back in my early drinking days, I would have bypassed the Boone’s Farm altogether.
Do you know that Boone’s Farm is carbonated? Do you know that I never, ever, under any circumstances whatsoever, drink carbonated beverages (not because I’m a snob like that, but because to me a carbonated drink feels like a million little explosions in my mouth and that just sucks, y’all)? So when I drank it, back in the day, I opened the bottle and let it go flat first.
Yes…you read that right. I let a carbonated drink get unfizzy before I drank it. On purpose. You can imagine how delicious and refreshing that was.
One day, long, long ago, Charles and I attended a sporting event with his co-workers. His boss had rented a limo and we were all riding up to the event together. And because we had a limo, we were encouraged to bring adult beverages. Still young and unaware of the amazingness of wine, I brought my trusty bottle of Boone’s – slightly opened, of course, to let the bubbles escape.
Well, YOU KNOW this got a big laugh out of the “real” adults in the car – the ones who were older and wiser than Charles and I, a couple of twenty-two-year-olds still firmly rooted in the “party with your friends on the weekends” stage of our lives. They regaled us with memories of Boone’s from their younger years (see? everyone drinks it at some point) and then the conversation moved into a wine faux pas they had recently witnessed at a party.
“And then…!” they said, laughing, the tension building as we all leaned in to find out what offensive party foul the party-throwers had committed, “And then…they took the wine out of the freezer!”
Umm, what? I thought. So? I waited for the punchline.
Silence filled the limo.
“They had CHILLED the MERLOT…!!!” they explained, and then burst into laughter at the very thought of chilling the Merlot.
“Oh! Ha ha ha.” Charles and I eyeballed each other and pretended to understand the travesty of this act.
To this day, we laugh about “chilling the Merlot.” I guess it’s not supposed to be chilled?
You guys – when it comes to wine, I just like to drink it.
This infograph from NickMom? It speaks to me, it speaks of me, and I kind of love it.
I pick bottles based on the color (red, please) and the label (has a horse on it and costs less than ten bucks? I’ll buy it). I think Chardonnay tastes like hairspray, but in a pinch (uncomfortable social situations where white is the only wine available, for example) I’ll drink it as long as it’s icy cold – the idea of plopping a few ice cubes in sounds good to me. I like Ports and, and yes, I will, indeed, drink straight syrup (whaaaat?!). And when in doubt, I order a glass of Cab because…well, because I can say it (although I can also pronounce Pinot Noir – it sounds like this: “peeno new-are”).
These days, I mostly drink it straight from the tap. I sound like an old person when I say this, but it’s economical and practical to buy it in bulk – that way, I
drink it whenever I want don’t waste any.
I haven’t forgot my humble beginnings (and clearly, I’m keeping it *super* classy these days with the boxed variety…), and I’m certainly not above laughing at myself and my sterotypical mom behavior. It’s cool. I’m a suburban Soccer Mom who drives an SUV and likes wine…a walking stereotype…go ahead and laugh!
If you want more laughs, be sure to check out NickMom. I promise you, there will be something you relate to.
Are you a cliche, too? How do you like your wine?